Behind the wish list

Yesterday we had our Christmas party at the office.   I got the  book which I asked for - WHY WE WANT YOU TO BE RICH by Donald Trump and Robert Kiyosaki.

This practice of having a “wish list” as part of the exchange gift tradition is a lot practical, I guess.   Though it does take away the element of surprise it eliminates much disappointments in the gift-giving process.   Now you get home satisfied instead of bowing not to join in the exchanging of gifts ever again!

My only concern though is that most of the would-be recipients will either list down items for their kids  or useful things they could use around the house.    Although there is nothing wrong with it and it’s indeed a lot practical it does reflect the sad reality that in the midst of our daily concerns and responsibilities we tend to bury our own needs and wants.

I have observed this with my own mother. When we were growing up everything went to our education, literally everything – the scarce resources we had, my parents’ hopes and dreams, their emotions.

I’m sure they are real proud of what they have accomplished and we are very thankful.   All of us children are doing all right.   Now they have  started building an enormous house by today’s standard – courtesy of my siblings abroad!

The big house – a symbol of what they have achieved is no less than what they deserved.   In fact, they deserve more than spending their days running around the house doing chores and we would have wanted to give them more -  like a paid-for international trip perhaps.   But the thing is, they do not know what else to do.   They lost themselves along the way, when they put everything in our behalf.

It would have not matter, though, as long as they are genuinely happy.   But I sense something in my mother – a buried personal dream, unfulfilled.

I can not pinpoint what it is only that I can feel  a “something else”, a dull ache that perhaps will always remain hidden.

I can only guess that something in her would have liked to get free because I, the middle daughter and the youngest son – three of her kids have much in common with her.    And all three of us have been pursuing a life of purpose, travel and freedom in different forms and varrying degrees.   We all have felt that there is something we just need to do, something to excel at in order that we may live and fulfill the life we are meant to have.

I shall be forever grateful with my parents, especially, my mother for what she has sacrificed but it would have been better and more proper that in the process of rearing us they have also lived their own lives.   Then I wouldn’t have felt that ache in her and everybody would have been much happier and freer.